Bully

www.thebullyproject.com
"If it was up to me and I was the king of the United States, I'd make it to where there's no popularity and everyone should be equal, that's how it should be..." -Middle School kid from the Documentary.

I watched this powerful documentary, extremely moving and touching.  It is about a never ending issue with bullying, from generation to generation.  Where does the bully learn this that it's OK to pick on someone different or can't fight back...they have to learn that somewhere and that it's OK to do it.  The documentary centers on kids in middle school as this is where it can all starts for them and the more powerful effects of mental abuse over physical abuse.

I get so upset because it's like everytime tragedy like this struck people are like "OMG! I can't believe this!  What has the world gone to?  We need to do something!"
Then more politics, more babysitting, more hand holding.  People expect the government, the school, to step in and do something to prevent this.  There's only so much you can do, the school isn't the one seeing that person day to day, the school isn't the one who taught that person into the person they are today.  The parent is.  People say the administration has to keep an eye out and prevent it, but what is the school going to do, in the documentary, the principal can talk to these kids and they'll listen in one ear and out the ear because they don't respect those administrative people.  They respect their parents.

My coworker who has an 8 yrs old boy, she raises him alone with the help of her parents, and the kid's pretty normal and respectful.  She doesn't strike him, yell at him, threaten him, but she talks to him like an adult and treats him like an adult.  He responds to it pretty well.  She spends a lot of time with him just talking to him, rather than just treats him like a kid and lets him to do "child like thing" all day.

If I am blessed enough to become a parent, I am going to talk to my kid, spend time with them, treat them like an adult and teach them responsibility of an adult and a value of a life.  To understand what you're blessed with, to be appreciative of all things in life is something I think even I forget sometimes.  Take some time away from the TV, hang out with the kid, who the F cares who wins the super bowl 2 yrs from now or who won American Idol or the finale of some stupid show.  You will remember what your kid drew in 2nd grade or the first time they tell you they respect and cherish you.  Important things mann.  Make a difference, stop depending on others to raise your kid and put restrictions on their lives because some other bad apples.  Let the kids live their lives and treat eachother with respect after you taught them the right thing.  Maybe this is why I do enjoy talking to teens and just chillin with them, I don't expect to teach them anything but I just want to show them that hey, everything's cool-we can talk about anything, you can be mad chilled and tolerant as you get older too!

Phu Pham's Day Off

I've been in a weird work schedule for the past month, with Mondays and Tuesdays off, this has allowed me the luxury of cruising around Denver, CO when most people are at work.

Typically, in these situations different people do different things, women would like to go to the spa, get a mani-pedi (neither thankfully with the grace of God, I've never experienced nor have the desire to), or shopping, which I don't get because that sounds stressful.  Others, perhaps head to the mountains for snow or other mountainous recreational activities, which unfortunately I haven't gotten a chance to yet.

Me, I intentionally left the cell phone home today, and in all honesty-it felt liberating, and just treat myself.  Have you ever went to a Dim Sum restaurant on a weekday?  It is incredible, there is no aggravating 45 min wait, there is no ridiculous amount of noise from the crowd, and the carts are stocked ready to go.  Now have you ever had Dim Sum by yourself?  It is incredible because sometimes you're like damn, "I really like this shrimp/lobster dumpling and probably want some more but I feel like I should save some for others".  I didn't have to fight that moral battle today, I consumed $25 worth of Dim Sum, that's a LOT of food, and I was happy.  I thought to myself, no sharing etiquette (I doubled dipped), no food divide and conquer strategies, all me.

I then headed over to Stranahan's inhouse Pub and had myself a glass of Colorado's finest microdistilled whiskey, on the rocks.  I was feeling real nice on 47% alc whiskey.  I sat there and took in the atmosphere, it is a nice place.  So many times, we've been conditioned into thinking being alone is unacceptable, and if at the worst, you are, look like you're busy fumbling around your phone checking Facebook to look at people's irrelevant posts so no one thinks you're lonely.  I was conditioned into this socialization shame and have always had strong aversion to eating or drinking alone, which is stupid.  It is fantastic!  No pointless small talk, no hearing about drama that has nothing to do with your life, no worrying about anything other than should I get another drink?  At one point I was just praying these two dudes wouldn't talk to me because I'm really not feelin' any of that mumbo jumbo.  I feel like if you don't have to talk about things, you can enjoy things more, for the first time I could enjoy whiskey neat and taste the niceness of it.

I've been wanting to see the movie 21 & Over because I appreciated the perceived Asian representation, and without any drawn out voting, compromise nor judgement, that's what I saw.  No compromise is sweet, but I did miss the matinee showing which wasn't...
Not going to do a review of the movie, thought it had its funny parts.  Only takeaway, when I watched the movie I feel like they are taking the dialogue from my daily life and put it on screen.  I need to evolve and change my colloquial speech from a 21 yrs old bro to an adult, ebrolution is still a bad look, but oh well, only God can judge me.

All in all, fantastic day, nothing crazy, nothing a movie is going to be made about, but whatever, I even squeezed in a sweetass run after the movie.  I felt like I just took myself out on a day date, and you know what?  I had a great time and I'd love to see me again soon.
We're all social beings, but sometimes we all need a day where it's just all me, all day.  Treat yo' self.
Or maybe it's just me because...the only thing Phu loves more is maybe a little more of Phu.

Bicycling.

I love bicycling even as a kid.  One of the earliest memory with bicycling was as a kid,  8 or so, I tried to give my little sister a ride on the back of the bike and she fell off and now she still has a scar on her Achilles.  I think this was before Park Side, I can't remember the exact time.  I do remembered one of the earliest bike I got was one of these that my parents bought from the flea market:

and they were gay as hell...
But when you were like 10 and  FOB it's no big.
I think the thing that was most aggravating at the time was not that it looks gay, nor that you have to press back to brake and but that the stem and handle were super shitty, I mean who doesn't like to hop on sidewalks and pop wheelies if you're a boy.  But what ends up happening is that the handles would slip loose and eventually roll around in the stem after a couple of hard wheelies.  I remembered that Huffy BMX was the shit, but it cost like $100 and these were like $20 at the flea market, so needless to say, all us Asian kids in Park side were rocking one of these.
Yet we went everywhere with it, we used to ride from Ivy Lane to Market st general store  for fun, on a one speed bike, that looks gay...on the crazy Harrisburg streets...with flip flops, shorts, tee shirts, of course no helmets-those are for puss.
I think the thing with bicycling is similar to the notion of owning a car, the concept of being able to go anywhere our hearts desire whenever, wherever we want to.  It's also a social tool as kids would get together and we would ride to places together, shooting the shit.  These were the best times...but it could be better on a 10-speed bike.

All that changed one day, I think this was when I was touched by an angel because this one day in Park Side, a guy was throwing away his mountain bike, I remembered it very specifically, it was a yellow Murray Mountain bike w/like... gears...I mean that's insane!  To this day I'm convinced that was an angel, and he was just throwing it away (who throws away a working bike in the projects?!), so of course I asked if I can have it and the angel gave it to me.  Man I felt so awesome, multiple speeds (it was so fast!), line brakes, a non rotating handle/stem, I felt like king of the world, F U in your banana seat bikes, punkass bitches...was how I felt at the time, if those words were in my lexicon at the time.

Then one day and to this day, my mom said this is the reason why we moved out of the ghetto, I was getting ready to bring my bike up 3 flights of stairs and these kids, being hoodrats, jumped me to take my most prized possession at the time.  I put up a fight and eventually they gave up and I kept my bike, w/cuts in my mouth and multiple bruise and bumps on my head.  I kept my bike, and this happened I think one more time, i forgot, but I still kept my bike through it all.  I never conceded my most prized possession.

The best part of the story is that the conclusion of the story was that I lend the bike to this kid (whom I still hate to this day and am NOT friends with) to go to the corner store, he came back saying someone stole it when he left it to go inside.  Man I was devastated, all that fight, for nothing and this kid never paid me back for it or anything.  I hate that kid.

All these memories came back because here in Colorado, there are more bike paths and bicycling is more common than it was back in the 17112.  I am able to get from my apt to places and see/do things w/o the need for my car, it is nice, especially in a lightweight bike with more than one speed.
So now it's like as I get older and can afford nicer things, I remembered all the things I've dreamed of having as a kid, and I enjoy what I have now a lot because they were once things I coveted.  That's pretty sweet, I'm glad I was able to grow up wanting things and then as an adult making it happen with my own hands, I'm glad that my parents didn't deprive me of that.  Having a goal and dream then making it reality is one of the best human emotion one can experience.  Now if only I can find bros to go riding together...

"If I am leaving for another job, how hard would you fight to keep me here?"

Click pic for link to slideshow (120 something slides)

I thought I had a pretty decent gig before-work wherever I want, wear whatever I want, do what I need to do without any supervision, compensated fairly well for the relatively short hours I put in, plus we get free drinks.  Netflix just blew that out of the water with their pitch and not just because of their value on competitive compensation, it's how they treat their top talent and the kind of people they surround talents with.  Whenever I meet someone who is smart, that can challenge me respectfully or just know what the hell they are talking about, it is a good day, I think an environment like that is conducive to breeding even more top talents.

"With the right people, instead of a culture of process adherence, a Culture of Freedom and Responsibility, Innovation and Self-Discipline"
I hate total process that paints one broad stroke, this is so it can address the issue two folds, first ensure that lower performing employees are doing it and secondly high performing employees can pick up the slack of lower performing ones.

I don't think it's fair nor productive in the long run, I completely agree with Netflix in that, higher performing employees make less errors and are faster to admit to their mistakes and corrects them, I think pride and accountability goes hand in hand.  The phrase you get what you pay for comes to mind whenever I see these situations.  I love the slide about Netflix is a team, not a family, and a pro team, not a kids recreational team, cuts need to be made so there are star players at every position.  LOVE IT!

It's logical because I believe how a great company came to be is when a few brilliant guys get together they came up w/a great idea that evolves into a great company, these guys have been around the block and are high performing people and have pride in their work, they have the capabilities to recognize and hire others based on their similar habits and mindframe.  Experienced, intelligent minds can sift through the bullshit.  For example, I think technical knowledge or field related knowledge is trivial in the interview process because for a sharp person those knowledge are easily picked up once consistently exposed in that environment.  I think instead of asking a person WHAT they know solely field related, we should ask a question like this one, nontechnical, nonfield related but just sees how a person's mind would work when dealing w/an issue.
I came up with this just for the purpose of this blog entry:
"I turned my tv on but there's nothing on, what's wrong?!"
My mind is geared in engineering mode and I question the wording of the question immediately, I would ask:

1. Do you mean you turned the TV on but there's nothing you would enjoy watching is playing?
2. By "on" do you mean the TV turned on but there's no picture or you pressed ON and nothing happened?

Then we would of course dive into the different avenues for problem resolution.  I think we should value the mental capabilities of a person versus what they think they've known previously because in most jobs, not many bring transferrable technical skills from one job to another.  It's always a new ballgame and what sets an MLB Ace apart from any pitcher is not all about his bag of tricks (mariano rivera-one trick, I know he's not an Ace, but one of the best closer, just go with the analogy) but how you can adapt, learn and execute EVERY NIGHT in different situations.  I'm ready to get on the mound and get my Roy Halladay on, oh look there's an open position in Los Gatos, CA for a Systems Engineer position...Is NorCal my next stop?!

SIDENOTE:  AMERICANS are obsessed with sports analogies...is it because it is so relatable to everyone?

Friends Becoming Strangers

Friends Becoming Strangers | Men's Health Singapore

I read that article online today and it hit the nail right on the head.  I've been "off the grid", ie social media, for a little over the week.  I still do login once a day just to see if there are any messages sent to me or anything important (which doesn't make any sense because important to me would be a friend of mine contacting me regarding something urgent, which facebook would be a poor choice of communication).  One of the reason I stopped going onto facebook was I noticed that I don't contact my friends personally for a what's up.  Instead of texting them and have a conversation (which also is a poor form of communication) where we would at least exchange a couple of texts w/o fearing others can see our conversation, we would post on wall or have a conversation on a status update but I think it's just unauthentic because we can't fully express ourselves in a public forum.  It is more personal now.

Regarding the short blog above, it is interesting he pointed out that he sees two people going out and be on their phone.  I never got that.  LIVE IN THE PRESENT!  I've thought about this before, I've noticed that the times that I have the most fun are the ones that aren't posted on facebook, because I'm actually having fun and doing other things other than reading about others PRETENDING they are having fun or PRETENDING myself that I am having fun.  When people are truly enjoying life, they don't have time to waste it reading about others or posting what they're doing right now so others know about it, all that matters is the memory you had, not digital.

When life throws you blows.

I think this is the most universally applicable motivational speech I can remember.  We've all went through those tough times where we've lost material things, people, opportunities, money, and lastly time.  Each time we go through this we feel the usual despair that comes w/the territory of failure or loss-the sense of hopelessness and misfortune, the usual why me?  However, I think as human, innately we are wired to be able to cope with failure and move on, it is a survival instinct, and I think what separates the ordinary from the extraordinary is the how we overcome and how fast we can do it.

I can't recall how many times I've felt if this didn't have happened to me and what if this person gave me this or if someone's decision would benefit me more favorably how my life would be.  I think it is normal to think about the what ifs but at the end of the day, you can't live on what ifs.  What ifs can't change your life now or change your future, only what now can.  Rocky telling me to just go out and get it is just bonechilling.  How true is that statement but each day we forget what we're capable of doing, whether at our career, the relationships we have with eachother, we could make it better.  As humans we are susceptible to homeostasis as in keeping things habitual/constant and manageable.  We like to say we hate "the same ol' thing" but subconsciously we strive to achieve as little variable in our lives as possible.  Few ever strives to get out of their comfort zone and just do something, take a risk, do more than you're required, because we've been conditioned to just be w/in status quo.  I think as humans, we are conditioned to always compare ourselves to others and everything we have is in somehow in relations to someone else.  Rocky saying stop giving an F and to stop pointing fingers never rang so true.

I think we are obsessed with the saying "rise like a phoenix out of the ashes" because it is so mystic, so extraordinary, so superhuman.  Being Superhuman, we all desire to achieve what ordinary people can't.  I'm not out to achieve extraordinary things, I'm out to work on what I feel I am capable of and going above it.  We all don't have to be Rocky, we all don't have to be Phoenixes, but we all can certainly be better than whatever it is we think the best that we can be.
"what's the difference between a champion and a challenger, a champion already conquered his caliber"
-Papoose

Crossing Over

Crossing Over was an extremely intense movie for me to watch, because the subject matter is so close to the heart for me. Most probably haven't seen it and before I saw it I haven't even seen any preview for the movie. The cinematics are very similiar to that of the movie "Crash" in that within a setting characters' lives are intertwined but Crossing Over was not as closely knitted as it was in Crash. Without ruining the movie for you, which I would strongly recommend watching, the gist of the movie is about legal/illegal aliens living in the US and their struggles to become a citizen.

I'm going to admit it, some scenes were hard for me because it caused confliction between my high affection for this country and some of the nonsensical bureaucratic laws that imposes it. The focus on the Islamic girl was very hard for me to take, because as any intelligent human being with the ability to think beyond blinded patriotism you can certainly appreciate the Jihad point of view she presented regarding 9/11. Without saying much more about it and giving it away, I can only say that sometimes we certainly are not free to say what we want if it conflicts with society's accepted point of view.

Compared to these people, whom I honestly believe are not as farfetched as you may imagine just because it's a movie, my journey here and to where I am today, a naturalized American citizen, is as easy as Paris Hilton's rise to fame. I flew on a plane, not in a shackled fishing boat or crossed hundreds of miles in the desert. I was never in a containment camp but rather a campus for learning the American ways. I was never questioned about why the USA should accept me as a citizen and what qualifications do I possess for them to grant me citizenship. I went to the naturalization office in Philly, the nat. officer asked me 3 questions, verbally, and I don't think he even looked at my answers. I was granted citizenship. I can't even remember when this happened. It was just another day for me. .. then.

I'm pretty fortunate in what was given to me, and I appreciate it everyday. Everyday I think about getting better, achieving higher goals, improving my career yet certainly that would not be possible w/o being here and having the right to pursue those dreams. Some people's dreams are just to be here, and not get deported, mine is to seize the American dream, and that's pretty awesome. The last scene of the movie is pretty ironic to me, the Asian who was given a second chance is laying on his bed chatting on his iBook with his naturalization certificate framed above his bed. Right there is what being a have country rather than the doesn't have one...