Am I on COPS?

walking out of Sears last nite i experienced what probably was one of the best moments ever. mall security going all COPS:Suburban assault edition on some hoodrat seriously about 4 ft away from me and Sears Loss Prevention chasing after the accomplice's getaway vehicle. I just heard some scuffling to the right of me and then I saw Mall Security's dorky ass car w/the green strobe pulled up, and then all of a sudden Paul Blart got out and just went all Ray Lewis on the 40 yrs old or so woman/perp taking her to the ground like she got a semi automatic and a big bag of weed on her or something...all the while she was screaming "I didn't take nothing". oh yes you did! double negatives means you really did something!!! it was awesome...i wish i can relive that moment again...

all the while i'm thinking shit....i totally just paid for this $8 cable...i wish a bitch would take me down. i'd be rich! Loss Prevention is too much...bro...you're a mall cop and store security...you're not licensed to even pack pepper spray...tone it down....but yeah, if there was a chase scene between the perp accomplice and the mall security car w/its green light strobing....i can't imagine how life can be better...

Feelings and Emotions

Ever listen to pop radio on Sunday nites and there's like a 3 hour long talk show where some dude would take calls from teens accross the country w/an assortment of emotional issues. i respect him, he's a better man than I am bc I can't do that. i know everyone has problems...but can you imagine some 16 yrs old girl calling and telling me shit like: "omg, i think i'm in love w/him and i really wanna do it and have his baby", my reply would've been like "omfg this ho is dumb. you besta not be on welfare after you have the kid, i am NOT paying taxes to support your skanky ass"....hang up. "next! actually you know what, let's end this, in conclusion- we live in America, best Effin country ever, deal with it, move on.... just be glad you didn't ride your camel to Giant and a donkey w/a bomb strapped to it blows up in front of you... just keep movin'"

Don't Bring Your Own Beer

I'm not a heavy drinker, I'm not even one of those people that are make pretend beer snobs that has terms like "hoppy", "airiness", "spicy aroma", "tingles in your palate", to me they are beer douches. EVERYONE knows I'm just a regular Coors Light kinda guy, if I'm feeling extra posh, I might step my game up to a Labatt Blue if I don't wanna get judged by the beer snobs. So based on that, one can presume I don't need a SPECIAL beer to go with my meal to add "cohesion".

One day my friends and I decided to go to MY BUDDY's Japanese restaurant to eat, and since I know the bitches be liking their Blue Moon, so I picked up a sixpack and brought it to the restaurant thinking "It's all gooood!!". Apparently, it's NOT all good to bring beer to a restaurant if they didn't say BYOB. So basically, the waitress (buddy's sister) told me they're gonna charged me. They ended up charging me $10 because I brought my own beer!!! What kind of bullshit is that??? Apparently, restaurants do that. That's TOTALLY Unamerican. If I have the right to bear arms to your institution, I have the right to bear my own alcoholic beverage to your institution.

I know that's how restaurant makes their money because alcoholic beverages have extremely high gross margin. I know this, but I also know, hey, I just paid 100% over cost for that stupid steak and tuna, and if I wanna bring my own beer, it should be all good. In conclusion, it is unpatriotic to charge me for bringing my own beer to drink at dinner. I thought you should know.